4-star hotels in St. Petersburg

There is a wide range of 4-star hotels in St. Petersburg, and all of them can offer a person a high level of services and conditions. Most of them are situated in the historical parts of the “city-on-the-Neva”, in the vicinity of the principal cultural and business places of the city. The hotels rooms include not only charming interiors but all the possible appliances a person can require. As a rule 4-star hotels can offer you an organization and carrying out of different kinds of festivals, conferences and so on inside the hotels.

She Came In...

She came in through the bathroom window, which scared the shit out of me. Actually, that's not true. The shit was coming out just fine until she came in. Then, however, my bowels clenched up on me. I guess, more accurately, that it startled the shit into me. Semantics.
Anyway, there I was on the toilet with my trousers around my ankles when she appeared. She was very nice, didn't even comment on the smell, and it was bad, that something-died-in-my-colon smell I emit when I'm hung over. We had really tied one on the night before. I think we'd been celebrating Bastille Day, or maybe it was Tet. I don't know, some excuse to drink.
Perched on the windowsill, she looked to be feeling a hell of a lot better than I did. I was surprised. I'd spent my night in a bed. Okay, the bed was spinning, but it was a bed. She, on the other hand, had spent the night passed out face down under the neighbor's hedges. Other than some smudges of dirt on the tip of her nose and above her left eyebrow, however, she looked great.
"You know," she said. "They say that if you can watch someone taking a dump and not be grossed out, then it's true love."
"Really?" I said, crossing my legs, trying to act casual.
"Am I making you nervous?" she asked.
"Not at all." A lie.
"Mind if I take a shower?" she asked.
"Go right ahead." I'm sure my voice cracked.
She stripped off her clothes and hopped into the shower, leaving the door open, presumably so we could continue our conversation.
Perhaps I should mention here that we barely knew each other, certainly not well enough that I felt comfortable taking a shit while watching her lather her nubile, naked, supple young body--oh, shit. New problem. I was getting an erection while we talked. Or, more accurately, while she talked. I was too nervous to say a word. I sat, thinking thoughts of Ross Perot, praying for flaccidity. To no avail. I had a hard-on, my shit was stuck in my anus, and I couldn't move.
I was not at all up to the task of wiping my ass in front of this nymph. Until she'd shown up, it had been a pretty gooey number, and I knew it would take a lot of wiping to clean up. So there I sat, my flagpole waving in the breeze, waiting to be noticed. It didn't take long.
"You want me to close the door?" she asked.
"Oh, no. This is fine."
"Is that painful?" She pointed at my erection.
"A bit," I squeaked.
"Well, why don't you get rid of it?"
"Believe me, I'm trying."
"I don't mean by thinking about Ross Perot."
How'd she know that? "I mean masturbate. Jerk off. I don't think it'll go away otherwise."
"Pardon?"
"Well, I'd help you, but I don't know you that well. Don't know your history. Go ahead, I don't mind." She started shaving her legs.
"What the hell?" I thought. "Why not?" So I started the old, familiar motion.
"Why don't you take off your shirt?" she asked. "You don't want to mess it up."
"Thanks," I said, and whisked off my shirt. When I pulled my head out from under the cloth, I noticed that her hand was now between her legs.
"I hope you don't mind," she said, "but I was starting to get a little horny myself, watching you." I just nodded. I was getting incredibly turned on. We watched each other very closely, and it wasn't long before we both came, she in the shower, I all over my belly.
She stepped out of the shower, dried off, and put on her clothes. She gave me a kiss on the cheek. "You're very sweet," she said, and went back out the way she came in, leaving me sitting, shit in my rectum, cum in my navel, and my hang-over completely gone.

Perhaps I should mention here that we barely knew each other, certainly not well enough that I felt comfortable taking a shit while watching her lather her nubile, naked, supple young body--oh, shit. New problem. I was getting an erection while we talked. Or, more accurately, while she talked. I was too nervous to say a word. I sat, thinking thoughts of Ross Perot, praying for flaccidity. To no avail. I had a hard-on, my shit was stuck in my anus, and I couldn't move.
I was not at all up to the task of wiping my ass in front of this nymph. Until she'd shown up, it had been a pretty gooey number, and I knew it would take a lot of wiping to clean up. So there I sat, my flagpole waving in the breeze, waiting to be noticed. It didn't take long.
"You want me to close the door?" she asked.
"Oh, no. This is fine."
"Is that painful?" She pointed at my erection.
"A bit," I squeaked.
"Well, why don't you get rid of it?"
"Believe me, I'm trying."
"I don't mean by thinking about Ross Perot."
How'd she know that? "I mean masturbate. Jerk off. I don't think it'll go away otherwise."
"Pardon?"
"Well, I'd help you, but I don't know you that well. Don't know your history. Go ahead, I don't mind." She started shaving her legs.
"What the hell?" I thought. "Why not?" So I started the old, familiar motion.
"Why don't you take off your shirt?" she asked. "You don't want to mess it up."

Dressing Room

My name is TiaRose and I'd like to share with you some of my sexual experiences both fantasy and reality.
I am a 25 year old part-time student, I also work part-time in a Doctor's office. I have long brown hair and big brown eyes and I've been told a very nice smile. I enjoy working out and I have long lean legs. I am 5'7 130 lbs-36B 26 36.
My first story happened when I was 19. My lover and I were always so hot and horny, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. One afternoon I talked him into going shopping with me at a local department store. He sat bored while I tried clothes on and modeled for him. One outfit peeked his interest-a short little skirt and a silky blouse-he could see I had removed my bra and my nipples were strained against the soft fabric. I grinned at him and turned and headed for the dressing room.
Before I knew it, he slipped into the dressing room and he grinned at me. I could tell by the look in his eye what he wanted-what we both wanted. Licking my lips I stared into his eyes as he walked towards me-we meet in an explosive kiss.! Our tongues danced, as his hands found my soft breasts and he began kneading them. We heard a customer walk by and I giggled-he shushed me- by darting his tongue down my throat. I could feel myself growing damp and I was so hot for him as we kissed.
His hands lifted up my blouse and his bare hands teased my hard nipples, I was moaning into his mouth, mmmm ohhh-leaning into the wall-my hands fumbled for his hardness-I moaned as I felt it growing harder and harder. I unbuttoned his jeans and reached in and found his hardness-mmm he was hot and sooo hard. His hands lifted up my skirt, pushed my panties to the side, he found how damp I was-soaking his fingers-I let out a squeal as he thumbed my clit-he covered my mouth with his other hand.
We heard another customer walk-by talking-somehow the excitement of almost getting caught was a big turn-on. My hands massaged his member-still kissing-I was pressed against the wall-struggling to keep quiet. His expert fingers teasing my! swollen clit.
Leaving my mouth, he lowered his face to my cleavage and kissed my nipples-arching my back-closing my eyes-mmmm ohhhhh. He backed himself over to the small seat in the dressing room corner and sat down. His dick standing straight out-I felt myself flush with hotness as I looked at him, wanting to taste him. My mouth quickly found his throbbing hardness and with my greedy wet mouth, I engulfed his every inch. Leaning his head back closing his eyes-his hands rubbing my hair-as I let my mouth work the magic.
Teasing his head with my tongue-swirling my tongue around and around. Mmmm he tasted good-I knew I had to feel him inside me now! Standing up, I lowered my soaked panties down and swung my leg over him. Rubbing his dick against my pussy-letting my juices make him all shiny. Holding onto his base I lowered myself onto him-ohhhh yeaaaahhhhhhh I sat there for a minute and felt him fill me up-slowly I started to piston my ass up and down. He was grabbing my ass! pulling me up to him-burying my face in his neck I moaned as I rammed myself on his hard hot dick. His feet placed firmly on the ground he raised up to meet my every thrust.
I was so close to the edge-I could feel my pussy starting to pulse-grabbing his shoulders and burying my face in his chest-I came intensely-my entire body shook. I heard him groan as he pummeled into me with his upward stroke and I felt his body tense-I felt his hot load erupting inside me-uhhhhh. Collapsing onto his chest-I let out a loud sigh and I said "damn!" He laughed and said damn is right-I really like shopping with you! We quickly got dressed, I smoothed my hair as best I could and I walked out-he followed me in a couple minutes. As we left the store I could see a male clerk snickering. Hmmm did he know?

My name is TiaRose and I'd like to share with you some of my sexual experiences both fantasy and reality.

Sunday Afternoon Tease

He hated not being with her.
A note signed by both of them, held to the refrigerator by a magnet in the shape of a heart summed it for both of them.
"Your ass is mine on Sundays" Shay. Rick.
He knew she would be home tomorrow. But he would be at work and the day was going to be so long waiting to get to her.
" I love you Baby, call me at the office as soon as your plane hits Canadian soil..." that was the last thing he said to her at the end of their morning phone call on Sunday.
He decided to take it easy all day.
Early afternoon he had entertained himself as long as he could. He grabbed a book and a glass of red wine and stretched out on the sofa. Was not long and he was in a deep sleep.
He didn't even hear the key in the door.
Shay walked into the den and spotted him. She was not surprised to see him lying there naked with a book on his chest and his glasses on his forehead. That picture is one she carried with her in her mind when she had to be away from him.
She could watch him for hours. His chest rising and falling with such ease. That's the same chest that she had known to rise and fall so out of control when they would be sharing their bodies and their minds pleasing one another. She would hear him gasp and moan as he released his seed into her. He would push into her as he pulled her into him so she could feel every jolt of his cock as it unloaded deep inside her. He loved watching her face as she accepted his seed.
As she stood at the door way thinking of him, without realizing, she had stepped out of her pumps and had her blouse unbuttoned half way. She could feel her excitement between her legs. She was wet just thinking of time with him.
Before she knew it she was standing there naked.
She quietly walked to the sofa and knelt down beside it. She positioned herself so she was just in line with his limp cock. She loved seeing him soft. It was truly something to behold to see him become hard in front of her. His limp cock lying in a nest of hair at the base of his shaft. Two shaved balls added to the picture that made her mouth water. She wanted him in her mouth. Sucking and licking him into total and complete hard.
She grabbed her hair so it would not touch him when she placed her head over his body.
She quickly scooped his limp cock up with her lips without even touching him. She felt his body jerk and heard a gasp from his mouth, followed by a relaxing sigh. He didn't say a word. His body was saying all that needed to be said to his lady.
His foreskin was laying on her tongue. She could feel the engorged head pushing it's way through the foreskin. She begin to suck. At first she could maneuver the skin around his flaccid cock with her tongue. But quickly, as he hardened, her mouth was full of solid meat. Her head began to bob in a rhythm that was accommodating to his moves.
She felt his hand touch the back of her head lightly.
She felt as if her mouth was being stretched so much. He was so thick and hard.
She could taste him. His precum was there on her tongue. She continued to take him.
She placed her little hand at the base of his cock, she tightened her grip. Then placing her other hand on his swollen balls. They wanted to be emptied.
Shay knew his time was close. He pumped into her mouth with an animal like growl that increased her need for him.
As he begin to gasp, "Shay... Shay... of fuck Baby...Shay..." she knew it was time.
She pulled off of his cock and stood.
He grabbed his hard cock and began to stroke it..." what are you doin Shay?" He asked without missing a stroke. And his breathing was all rushed.
She loved him like that.
She watched as he tugged uncontrollably on his hard cock and ground his ass into the sofa "Come here Baby", he summoned in a nasty little voice, reaching for her with his free hand.
"Uh Uh", Shay replied in her horny little way. " I'm not here yet. You hold that till tomorrow after work..."
She walked away to unpack.
Locking the bedroom door behind her.
~to be continued~

A note signed by both of them, held to the refrigerator by a magnet in the shape of a heart summed it for both of them.
"Your ass is mine on Sundays" Shay. Rick.
He knew she would be home tomorrow. But he would be at work and the day was going to be so long waiting to get to her.
" I love you Baby, call me at the office as soon as your plane hits Canadian soil..." that was the last thing he said to her at the end of their morning phone call on Sunday.
He decided to take it easy all day.

Born to Ride

We've taken many motorcycle trips, and it's become one of our favorite ways to spend a weekend. We throw a few things in the saddlebags after work on Friday, and pick a direction, each time exploring a new country road, sometimes camping, sometimes finding a cute little mom and pop motel when we are tired.
I love the feeling of being on the back of your bike. The fresh air rushing over us as we speed down a two-lane highway, the smells of the trees and the fields, are exhilarating. Some of the views we come across are breathtaking. I especially love feeling the bike rumble between my legs.
This morning we had breakfast at a diner in a sleepy little town. We had cup after cup of their strong, rich coffee, and the food was cooked to perfection. Thick ham slices, farm fresh eggs, and biscuits and gravy. We always find the best local spots in our travels.
Full now, and ready to see what the world has to offer us today, we take off clad in our helmets and heavy motorcycle jackets. You laugh at me in my stylish big heeled shoes, but hey, a girl's got to look good, even on a motorcycle! Today we cruise through rolling hills, past dirt roads that lead to picnic areas or campgrounds, alongside little streams winding out of the foothills.
About an hour into the trip, I start to feel the effects of having had so much coffee – I have to pee. We go on a while longer, passing a road sign that informs me I have another 45 miles until the next town, where there MIGHT be a bathroom. Using our helmet intercom, I ask you to go down the next dirt road we come across so I can go behind a bush.
By the time you pull off the main road, I really have to go! You go pretty far down this dirt road, to be out of the view of any passersby. I hop off the bike as soon as you come to a stop, and pull off my helmet, gloves and jacket. I look around and don't see any bushes, so I run into a little clearing in the grass. I've never had to go out in the open like this, and I'm worried about getting my pants wet. So I quickly step out of my shoes, take off my pants and put my shoes back on. Who knows what might be crawling around out here.
I squat down, careful to keep my balance, and begin to pee. I close my eyes at the relief of finally being able to go. When I open them, I see you about 20 feet in front of me. Your fly is open and you are stroking your cock as you stand there watching me pee! I am suddenly embarrassed and feel quite vulnerable.
You walk towards me, grab my shoulders to help me to stay balanced, and stick your hard cock into my mouth. In my heels, I know if I am not careful I will fall over. I let you hold me up and soon am overcome with how erotic this scene is. It's almost like something out of one of the porns we like to watch together.
I grab your ass with my hands as you pump in and out of my mouth, feeling my tongue caress the rim of your cock. The wetness between my legs is now my dripping pussy. You quicken your pace, thrusting your cock down my throat until I think I might gag on it. "Suck it baby! Suck my cock!" you cry as I feel a stream of pre-cum, then the thick cream of your orgasm gush into my mouth. You rock back and forth, enjoying the sensations of my mouth in the shape of an O around your still trembling cock.
You pull your cock out of my mouth, still oozing cum, and help me to my feet. You lead me back over to the bike.
"Here," you say. "Hop up on the gas tank, and spread your legs."
Knowing I will be in for something awesome, I do as I'm told. You kneel in front of me, and begin to lick my clean-shaven cunt. You lap at me, sticking your tongue inside of my pussy like a little cock. Wiggling your tongue around like that, I can't help but explode in orgasm, and beg you to keep licking me. You move up to my clit, sucking and licking, the sensations so intense I wonder if I might pass out before I am finished cumming. When you are pleasuring me, I can't ever seem to get enough. You kick things up a level by tonguing my ass, which you know gets me very hot, but I haven't quite worked up the nerve to let you fuck me there yet. I'm afraid it will really hurt, and I'm just not into pain.
I look down and notice that your cock is hard again. "Patrick, you have to fuck me now! I need to feel your thick cock inside of me, hard and deep! Please baby, fuck me!"
You pick me up and flip me over, so that I am leaning against your handlebars. You sit in the rider's seat on the bike, and lower my pussy onto your cock. "Ooohhh, Patrick, you are so deep this way! Oh yeah baby!"
You stop for a moment, and reach up and push the starter. The bike roars to life, and you rev the motor as you continue to fuck me. Wow! Feeling the bike vibrate against my clit, and your cock pounding my cunt, it's the best fuck I've ever had! I hear you moaning behind me, letting me know that you like it too.
You lean in close and whisper in my ear. "You know what I want now baby?" You ask me.
"Hmmm, to fuck me like this forever?"
"No, Cheryl, I want to fuck your ass, just like this, but in your ass."
I hesitate for a moment. I'm so hot from fucking you on the bike, that I nod my head, consenting to let you fuck my ass for the first time. You lick your fingers before lifting me up, using your wet fingers to lubricate my ass.
"Go slow, please, and promise to stop if it gets to be too much."
"I'll stop if you want me to, you know I won't hurt you."
Slowly, you push the head of your cock against my tight, puckered asshole. The sensations are great and I wonder why I never let you try this before. You push, steady pressure at the opening of my back door, and suddenly, with a flash of pain, your are inside of my ass.
"Stop!" I cry out. "Wait, just for a moment, let me get used to this."
I pant for a minute before slowly beginning to move my ass up and down on your cock, with each stroke, taking you deeper inside of me. It is half pain, half pleasure, but what drives me over the edge and makes me cum with your cock up my ass is the continuing vibration of the motorcycle against my clit.
"Fuck my ass Patrick! Harder, harder NOW!" I scream, cumming so hard that I think I might knock us off of the bike.
With that, you lose all control, and I hear you cry out as a rush of your cum fills my ass.
It takes us a while to be able to regain our composure, but we are soon able to continue on our way. We'll always remember this day as one where we fulfilled some of your wildest fantasies, knowing we will have many more erotic adventures on the bike.

It takes us a while to be able to regain our composure, but we are soon able to continue on our way. We'll always remember this day as one where we fulfilled some of your wildest fantasies, knowing we will have many more erotic adventures on the bike.

mono

Press Release

Press Release:
Researchers: Cash is Only Effective Aphrodisiac
In a joint announcement today, researchers at Sweden's prestigious Center for Human Sexuality and New York's Boehringer Institute for Sexual Research announced discovery of the world's first clinically proven aphrodisiac: cash money.
"Cash has been shown in rigorous experiments to be an affective aphrodisiac for human females, increasing their receptiveness and participation in various sexual acts when compared to the behavior of females who had not been treated with cash." said Dr. Gunnar Krinsdorfer, who headed the Swedish group.
"The data is irrefutable." echoed Dr. Harold Barnard of the Boehringer Institute. "Mankind's search for an effective aphrodisiac is now over. Womankind's search can now begin."
The discovery came as no surprise to many workers in the field. "There's been a wealth of evidence available for some time that cash had a profound effect of a woman's sexual attitudes." said Hamilton "Binky" Blankenship, heir to the Blankenship fortune and international playboy, "We 'players' have been using it for years because, quite frankly, it works. This research only proves what we 'high-rollers' have known all along."
Experiments involving hundreds of women in Sweden and the US compared their willingness to "put out" before and after being treated with cash, and the results were conclusive.
"On a first-date basis we found 16% of the cash-treated women willing to put out as compared to only 5% who were untreated." Dr. Krinsdorfer said. "By the third date the percentages had risen to 52% of the cash treated versus only 13% of the untreated. These are quite impressive figures."
There also appeared to be a strong correlation between the amount of cash the women were exposed to and their willingness to put out.
"Generally, the more money the woman is exposed to, the more likely she is to put out." Dr. Krinsdorfer said. "Small amounts of cash in the ten to one-hundred dollar range have almost no effect. It is not until you get into the thousands that the aphrodisiac affect becomes significant, and then it is very impressive."
One of the remarkable things about cash as an aphrodisiac is the way it is administered. Unlike almost all known drugs, cash apparently does not have to be taken into the body to do its work. It is enough to merely show it to the subject
. "It appears to act directly through the optic nerve, and effects centers of higher cognitive function in the brain." Dr. Barnard said. "But the direct mode of action is still under investigation. There is yet much work to do."
This unusual means of administration is supported by the anecdotal evidence. Among those who use cash as an aphrodisiac, the usual route of administration is optical, usually done by "flashing the roll", "pulling out a wad", or "showing the bundle", all terms for a ritual in which the cash is taken from the pocket in a subtle although unmistakable gesture specially calculated to engage the woman's attention. The effect is almost immediate, according to sources, although the cash's effect can be further enhanced by letting the subject actually handle or hold it.
Other users suggest that it is not the cash itself, but its symbolic value.
"Only a jerk uses cash." said Fleming Stir Jr., CEO of the Second Fourth Bank of Ypsilanti, MI. "Those adept in its usage prefer to convert crude cash into a less obvious but more potent form, such as jewelry, furs, or condominiums in Vale [Colorado]."
Although many pharmaceutical manufacturers have expressed an interest in developing an effective aphrodisiac, so far none have contacted the researchers about developing cash's commercial potential.
"We've been told that they wouldn't be able to make their usual profit on a cash aphrodisiac." Dr Krinsdorfer said.

One of the remarkable things about cash as an aphrodisiac is the way it is administered. Unlike almost all known drugs, cash apparently does not have to be taken into the body to do its work. It is enough to merely show it to the subject
. "It appears to act directly through the optic nerve, and effects centers of higher cognitive function in the brain." Dr. Barnard said. "But the direct mode of action is still under investigation. There is yet much work to do."
This unusual means of administration is supported by the anecdotal evidence. Among those who use cash as an aphrodisiac, the usual route of administration is optical, usually done by "flashing the roll", "pulling out a wad", or "showing the bundle", all terms for a ritual in which the cash is taken from the pocket in a subtle although unmistakable gesture specially calculated to engage the woman's attention. The effect is almost immediate, according to sources, although the cash's effect can be further enhanced by letting the subject actually handle or hold it.
Other users suggest that it is not the cash itself, but its symbolic value.
"Only a jerk uses cash." said Fleming Stir Jr., CEO of the Second Fourth Bank of Ypsilanti, MI. "Those adept in its usage prefer to convert crude cash into a less obvious but more potent form, such as jewelry, furs, or condominiums in Vale [Colorado]."
Although many pharmaceutical manufacturers have expressed an interest in developing an effective aphrodisiac, so far none have contacted the researchers about developing cash's commercial potential.

lifeasa1l

Foreplay

Although there is no one best way to do it, I usually like to arouse her interest right away. It is not that I want to eschew foreplay. On the contrary, the majority of the time must, of necessity, be spent on foreplay. After all, how much time can you spend on the climax?
I have nothing against the climax. Why bother doing it at all if you're never going to get to a climax? Some people don't have a problem with that, but I think you would agree that, for the majority of us, we really don't want to bother getting into it if there is not going to be a payoff.
I guess I'm really just talking about a variation: start quickly before beginning the long, slow tease. That is where I am most in my element, during the long, slow tease.
This time it was no different. I got her attention within the first minute. I wanted her riveted on everything I did. I wanted her to respond to every little nuance. Like an experienced musician I had my riffs that she had come to expect and I would not disappoint. I could see her face taking on that look of absolute concentration. Nothing else in the world existed for her at this moment. She knew that if she would just surrender to my ministrations, all of her worldly woes would wane until they did not exist for the duration.
I could see the intense concentration on her face. I had her from the start. She was entranced. I could lead her in any direction and she would follow. And that is my point about the long, slow tease. I could take her anywhere and she would go ardently without any inhibition whatsoever, but not if I rushed it. There had to be an attainable goal ahead. I had to do it in such a way that she could sense it coming; that she desired its arrival.
And I did. Her anticipation burgeoned. She could sense we were getting somewhere we needed to be. And then I took it away. I side tracked her with something unexpected; something pleasant and meaningful on its own. It added to the experience, but paced it so that I could build the tension anew. It was a part of the process and yet a respite. I drew it out until she was all but begging me to plunge on.
That's how I knew I had the timing right. I plunged on. I had been toying with her emotions but now I drew her back in. I increased the intensity. Things were going fast and furious. That is how she liked it. I must admit I like it that way too. Her fervor built until it seemed that she would be consumed by it. That is when I had anticipated that this would be the perfect time for another divertissement.
I am not a cruel person. I do this out of love. Resolution achieved too easily will not be as prized. I do this for her. I do this for all of them. If I am not resolute, they will know that I don't have my heart in it. They will know I am just going through the motions. They will know I have cheated them.
Her breaths grew closer together and heavier. Her hands clenched. A tear formed in the corner of an eye. She was losing control.
Unable to constrain herself any longer, she shouted, "Oh my God!" We had reached the climax.
I love it when she is vocal. What better way is there to know that I have succeeded in bringing her the pleasure I worked so hard to craft?
It could have ended there. Sometimes it is appropriate. But more often the experience is reinforced with some after play. It offers us the opportunity to bond. It offers us the opportunity to share a knowledge and truth that is intensely personal. It offers us the opportunity to think about doing this again and again.
That is why I chose after play this time. As if to confirm the wisdom of my decision, she relaxed and breathed a contented sigh as I finished.
"That was fantastic," she said.

We say: Of course I like your mother.
We mean: I hope the old bitch dies horribly in a horrific lawnmower accident!
We say: Of course I like your father.
We mean: He’s bigger than me and owns a shotgun!
We say: I care about you a lot.
We mean: I’m fucking someone else!
We say: I’ve always wondered what a threesome’s like.
We mean: I want to fuck your best mate!
We say: I’m sorry. I just don’t like her.
We mean: I’ve fucked your best mate!
We say: Honey, I’m home.
We mean: Get ‘em off; I’m as stiff as a board!
We say: Are you watching this?
We mean: This is crap. Fancy a quick one?
We say: That was the best sex ever.
We mean: I’m a vain, arrogant twat!
We say: How was it for you?
We mean: Am I the greatest or what?
We say: I’m sorry.
We mean: Shut your face, you moaning old bag!
We say: Really? That’s nice.
We mean: What the fuck are you talking about?
We say: You’re a very nice person.
We mean: You’re so damn ugly I’d be too embarrassed to be seen in public with you…now fuck off!
We say: It’s not you, it’s me.
We mean: It’s me!
We say: I’m not ready to commit to a serious relationship.
We mean: You’re a great fuck with massive tits, but you’ve got a face like a well-smacked arse!